If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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