My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize