Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
