When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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