Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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