There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
