what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
