i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
