So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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