i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
