sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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