Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
