BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
