Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
