I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
