Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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