You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
