Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
