Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
