i need an iv and a liver transplant
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
