these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
