There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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