and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
