During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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