Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
