she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
