Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize