I want to have your abortion
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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