I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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