how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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