YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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