He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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