He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
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just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
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I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.