Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*