It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY