i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
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Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
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I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!