I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
