what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?