I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
All of them.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.