At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
