i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
