I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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