Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
