I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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