Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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