took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
