We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
