ugly people sure do ruin things
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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