Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
