I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
