I want you more than these girls want KFC
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You dont lie about slip and slides
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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