i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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