he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
