is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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