PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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