i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
