Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
