Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
