He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
