They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
