Ambien. No doubt about it.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
