happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
