you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We have started to decorate penises.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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