This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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