Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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