Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
home. puking in laundry basket.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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