I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
