When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
