I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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