Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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