i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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