O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize