I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
