I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
