I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
