As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
